Leo Quotes!
by afkd98
Summary: Funny quotes and thoughts from the amazing Leo Valdez. Taken from the Lost Hero.
1. Chapter 1

'**Kay, this is just a random thing where I'm going through the Lost Hero and copying random funny quotes Leo says and thinks. Why? I really don't know. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I ain't Rick.**

**Chapter I**

"I'm a special boy."

"Your family, or the court, or whoever decided you were too much trouble, so they shipped you off to this lovely prison- sorry, 'boarding school'- in Armpit, Nevada, where you learn valuable nature skills like running ten miles a day through the cacti and weaving daisies into hats!"

**Chapter II**

"Yo, Coach Supergoat, whatever you are- I just fell down the freaking Grand Canyon! Stop asking for challenges!"

"Stupid ... ugly ... goat."

"But I'm not feeling too godly. You guys feeling godly?"

"Extraction squad? That sounds painful."

**Chapter III**

"No, no. Rainbows. Very Macho."

"Rainbows, ponies."

"Vulcan? I don't even LIKE Star Trek."

"What's Cabin Nine? And I'm not a Vulcan!"

**Chapter V**

At the very least, he wanted to check out underwater girls in the lake again. They were definitely worth drowning for.

"Festus? Sounds like the god of cowboys."

"Yeah, where are my home dawgs? Shouldn't their counselor be giving me the VIP tour?"

"Let's go see Cabin Nine. I'm in the mood for a good curse."

"They got a steampunk theme going on, huh?"

"What does the god of fire want with a weed whacker?"

He looked like the Pillsbury Doughboy after a beat-down.

Don't talk to me about ghosts, doughboy.

"Ghosts? Pfft. Nah. I'm cool. A storm spirit chucked me down the Grand Canyon this morning, but you know, all in a day's work, right?"

"I'll be down in the Leo cave."

**That's all for now. I'll post again soon! Hope you liked it.- Abby;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Enjoy! I'll probably just do five chapters of the book per chapter. I 3 reviews! Sorry. Some chapters are skipped if they lack Leo funnyness.**

**Disclaimer: I ain't Rick.**

**Chapter VI**

"So Beckendorf was pretty popular? I mean- before he blew up?"

Hey, look, it's the Hephaestus Bunch!

"Well, all right! I hear this is the party cabin!"

"Cool, I always wanted a sister who could beat me up."

"Monster-fighting class. Yeah, I already got my black belt in that."

**Chapter X**

"I mean... Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let's do this."

**Chapter XI**

She's got makeup! It's a miracle!

"And whoever you are, I'm gonna faceplant you hard, Leo-style."

**Chapter XII**

"It's a trap, bronze brain; they're trying to catch you."

Why no crispy critter? (Yeah, I know this isn't exactly Leo, it is Leo's thought of what Festus was thinking, but who cares!)

"Rusty brain, man."

**Chapter XVI**

"It's cool! Don't shoot!"

"People of Earth, I come in peace!"

"Well, I got you a class-A metallic flying bad boy!"

**Hope you enjoyed! More soon!- Abby;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**More Leo! Enjoy!**

**Chapter XVII(LOL- Loads of Leo!)**

He thought his cabinmates were going to bust a lug nut.

Besides, he had a fire-breathing, only slightly leaky dragon on his side. What could go wrong?

"Shut up, me."

"Nothing, long night. I think I'm hallucinating. It's cool."

You said something about catching wind, or breaking wind, or something?"

"His name is Boreas? What is he, the God of Boring?"

"Can we just call them storm spirits?" Leo asked. "Venti makes them sound like evil espresso drinks." (This one's for you, Athena333)

"I keep forgetting about your amnesia. Heh. Forgetting about amnesia. That's funny."

"So … giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the time to bring up my psycho babysitter."

"Dirt Woman fully awake? Not something I want to see."

Well, that sounded fun! Leo had seen Tía Callida in action; she liked knives, snakes, and putting babies in roaring fires. Yeah, definitely let's unleash her rage. Greatidea.

**Chapter XVIII LOL**

"Tell me that's Quebec and not Santa's workshop."

Let's have some manners here, boys. Can I at least find out who has the honor of destroying me?"

"That was almost three sentences, man! Way to go."

"Fix the thermostat in here, and I would totally move in."

"No, man. You gotta stop with the destroy talk. Just wait."

"Watch and learn, beauty queen."

"Ta-da!" he announced. "The world's heaviest carry-on bag!"

If it bothers you that much, I don't have to take the dragon as carry-on—"

"Friendly blacksmith, no harm to anyone!"

"You mean like in a good way: you'll shower him with fabulous prizes?"

he had to get next to that girl and ask her some important questions—like her e-mail address and phone number.

And that gorgeous girl scared him more, even if he still wanted her number.

**Chapter XX**

"What happened up there? You made her mad? Is she mad at me too? Guys, that was my prom date!"

**Chapter XXII**

"Not coooooool!"

"Ow, bro! That's my back! I'm not a sofa!"

"I can summon just about any regular tool out of the pockets, plus some other helpful stuff. Breath mint?"

"Wait, what was that godly healing stuff they fed you at camp—Rambo food?"

"Ah, I got duct tape and breath mints. I'll be fine,"

**Chapter XXIII (Somewhat LOL)**

Of all the places to crash, a line of Porta-Potties would not have been his first choice.

"Oh, Festus, what the heck?"

Jason and Piper got to visit the throne room. Leo got to wait in the lobby with Cal, the demigod of hockey and major head injuries.

Hey, guess what, guys? I might destroy the world!

Then there was Khione. Dang, that girl was fine.

"Gimme the biggest hammer you got."


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you to my (as of 9:45pm central time) 2 reviewers of this story. I love you guys! I am on a roll today! Two chapters of 'Bunnies, really?'(Check it out if you haven't already!) Plus this is my fifth chapter of 'Leo Quotes' today! I literally have been on the computer almost the entire time since I got home from school. But enough about me- LEO! LOL=Loads of Leo.**

**Disclaimer: I am a kid. Not a published author. Get it?**

**Chapter XXIX**

"You've earned some motor oil and Tabasco sauce."

"Yeah … not bad for a brainwashed zombie."

That was Frankenstein thinking.

"Right, could you be more specific on the 'whatever-it-is' part?"

"All right. Maybe just …"

"Holy mother!"

Now you show up? After fifteen years? Great parenting, Fur Face. Where do you get off sticking your ugly nose into my dreams?"

"Is that me?" Leo asked. "Like—me right now, having this dream—looking at me having a dream?"

"You keep track of all your kids? You got like twelve back at camp**. **How'd you even—never mind. I don't want to know."

"Oh, how could I take offense? Please, go on ignoring me."

"The giants, you mean. Monsters re-forming instantly. The dead rising again. Little stuff like that?"

"Breed? You make them sound like racehorses."

"Why me?"

**Sorry, this is like a mini chapter. I can't write any more tonight. I might not update tomorrow, but don't worry. I will update soon. I will be fine. Don't despair readers. I hope you all have great weekends and please please please please please please please review because if I get no feedback, I lose motivation, whivh means no story, and can't have that.- Abby;) Luv ya!**


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